Canon Demyx, fanon Demyx
by Neo Qwerty
Summary: Someone offers Demyx chances to see what some portray him as, and he takes it. He keeps meeting very strange things, and some of them so bad they have to be put down. Rated T for bad language, slight violence.
1. The Error of Unnature

A/N: Demyx belongs to Square-Enix and Disney, so does Kingdom Hearts, the girl in the story is sporker!me, and neither Squeenix, Disney, me or Demyx lay claim to the retard who cosplays as Demyx in the fics of the pit.

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"Phew, thanks it's ov--wha?"

A girl. In the corridors of darkness. And she wasn't a Nobody. He paled, but, before he could bolt back in the sporking theater, she grabbed one of his sleeves and dragged him into a black hole. He didn't struggle, head hung down, as he followed her like a loyal puppy. After all, one couldn't struggle with a Mary Sue!

"I'm not a Sue! I want you to help me weed out canon!"

"...Say what? Uh, if you didn't realize, I can't really help canon when I'm dealing with character rape!"

"Nonono, there's the canon you, and today I managed, after five harsh hours of tracking and tricking, that I could actually use Sue plotholes without fear since I fashionned canon into a carapace around myself, and--"

She tugged Demyx toward another black hole, but he jerked back, spinning her around and placing a sleeve over her babbling mouth. He had just gotten out of a badfic, he didn't need to hear another one!

"No run-ons, now, no run-ons! And no exposition either!"

The girl nodded and he took his hand away from her mouth. He wiped it on his coat with a small grimace, not looking, and he hoped he hadn't just smeared sparklypoo over it. He was sick of washing glittery crap from his stuff each time a Sue came along and zeroed in on him.

"Oh, fine, sorry. So I found the fanon you, consulted a fellow Demyx fan, and decided to bring you in. So that you could get rid of it, y'know. ...Um, do you accept?"

Demyx blinked, before he chuckled and looked over at the swirly black hole.

"If it helps set my fic-self straight, sure! But..."

The Nocturne paused, looking back down at her as he stared straight in her brown eyes. Finally he whispered to her, with an almost anxious tone.

"No Sue around, right?"

"Right. Let's set the fanwits straight and hope they get the message!"

The brown-haired girl shoved the musician through the black hole, and when he reappeared, it was in the Hall of Empty Memories. A second Demyx was standing there, nervously jerking his head back and forth and being mousy to the extreme. Demyx called out to the other, taking a few steps closer toward him at the same time.

"Hey, there! Who are you?"

"Waaah no don't plez don't atteck me aaah Axel halp me!"

The blond water-user froze, before he frowned slightly as his double spazzed around. The other's hands were gesturing about madly as if he was a sped-up Xemnas in the middle of a spiel, and it made the Nocturne take a step backward in case the double decided to freak out completely and attack him.

"Hey, calm down, there! You look rabid!"

Demyx held his hands out, palms down, and tried making calming notions at the fanon spawn, but apparently it did nothing except fire him up. For the other grabbed the setar strapped to his back, twirled it around, and pointed at him before screaming.

"Don't paternize me you copycat!!! Youllpayfor this inslut!!! I am Dmeyx, the Melodius Noctern!!!"

It took all of thirty seconds for the Melodious Nocturne to be brought to his knees. In laughter and tears. Through it he managed to gasp out a sentance, trying to right himself up at the same time. Man, that was more entertaining than the pain of boring badfics!

"I dunno how they use sluts as currency in fandom, but here we use munny, man!"

"Odatsit you dye naw! You hartles fuckar you hurt my hert know your finshed! Dunce wetter dancew!"

Water hit Demyx right in the face just as he got over his second fit of laughter, and he stumbled backward, arms flailing to regain his balance. He regained his footing and glared at the clone, lips pressing together. His sitar appeared in his hand, forming from small globes of water appearing in thin air, and he quickly took his fighting stance. The insults to his personality and intelligence, he let it slide. The water in his face was a small blow to his pride. But no one brought his lack of heart in the discussion and lived! Not because he didn't _have _it that he didn't _remember _it. And right now he remembered anger just fine thank-you!

The Nocturne's agile fingers raced over the strings, plucking them instinctively as a _pizzicato con fuoco _melody rose into the air. Water formed over the field with a pluck, geysers kicking the double into the air with another, and with the third the balls of liquid slammed the other back down on the ground. The cycle continued for a while as Demyx strode closer to the other. Finally he stopped the assault, the notes of his furious song waning, echoing in the tense air. The other was sopping wet, hair clinging to his head and neck and the cheap trenchcloak weighted down by the water it had absorbed.

"Nuu dent keel me pliz all be you're sexslave!"

The sitar made a satisfying sound when it sliced through the neck of the other, and he broke into a grin when the other dissolved in water and sparklypoo and other things OOC and Sue. His features smoothed back into his usual slight grin, blue eyes no longer narrowed. He looked up, a hand clutching the sitar, and pointed at you, his voice echoing loud and clear across the hall.

"Canon isn't optional, reader! I don't have evil twins that share my name!"

And thus Demyx left through a corridor of darkness, and somewhere his Heartless hoped with all its being that at least one fan had learned its lesson. And if not...

Canon!Demyx still kicked fanon!Demyx's non-existant ass.

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A/N: Written for the Demyx Anti-Defamation Squad, for Kingdom Sporks, and for kicks, because Demyx is teh awesome. Any reviews are welcome, and flames are too.


	2. An Old WHAT in the Mouth

A/N: Demyx belongs to Square-Enix and Disney, so does Kingdom Hearts, the girl in the story is sporker!me, and neither Squeenix, Disney, me or Demyx lay claim to the fanwit's idea of the old lady. It's all Sly Sakura Cooper's and no one wants to steal it!

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"Okay, I've seen weird things, but this is Fanfic Fuckyland-worthy. So come again, there's a _what_ in my mouth!?"

"It's some sort of crackfic written in script style..."

"...I have no words. Really, I don't! That has got to be the most boring and what-the-hell fic I've ever seen! And you know the weird fics Management finds, right?"

The brown-haired girl nodded like mad while Demyx stared at the single page in disbelief. He tapped on it with the back of his free hand, shaking his head.

"It doesn't even take a full page! I've heard of drabbles, but this is the worst I've ever seen! Come on, do your thing so I can right it up! I don't want an old lady who doesn't know grammar exists living in my mouth because an O-O-C idiot can't take her out!"

The girl saluted and a plothole opened. The Nocturne hurried through it and stumbled in the Proof of Existance, almost tripping over his own feet in his hurry to clean that new mess up. Finally he came to a stop, a hand on his hip and the other resting at his side. Blue eyes blinked beore he raised a blond eyebrow, staring at the other him who was vainly trying to chew the old lady, apparently. The other cast him a pitiful look and whined, hands raising in the air and waving, as if to say "what are you waiting for? Help me!"

"Uh..."

He blinked before shrugging. That one didn't look so bad, all that was wrong with it was the old lady and the fact he was doing a T.V. show. Not that he could understand why a Nobody would care about it or even what that thing was. He walked over to the other and stared at the mouth.

"Say 'aaaaaah', you! We're getting the old lady out of my--er, your mouth."

The other complied, and thus the old lady was revealed. The sitar player made a blank face and reached in, tugging on a tiny arm to take out the old lady. Once she was removed, the other Demyx made a face and shook his head, before talking and trying to be heard over the tiny old lady's screeches.

"Thank you, I'm in your debt."

Demyx nodded to acknowledge his OOC twin, before he flung the tiny old lady through the portal into the Addled Impasse. The Dusks would take care of her. He walked back to the plothole, but before stepping in he looked over his shoulder and adressed the other.

"Tell your creator to get out of the fandom or buy herself a brain before writing stories, okay, man? The lady was just absurd!"

He got out of there, muttering about bad crackfics and old ladies.

The moral to this story is to make an effort to write funny crackfics or to GET OUT OF MY FANDOM!

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Flame me if you want, they have the same result as real flames on Demyx. Crackfics should make people snicker, not go Fxck le whut now? One person enjoying is a bad sign!


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